Why me ?

When I see someone having something that I've wished for or something which I've wanted all my life.. I just start crying like hell. I don't know why. I remember when I was a kid, in religious gatherings when other girls of my age used to play around and talk and have fun, I always used to cry. My head in my knees I used to look at any pair of sisters and cry. Why? because I used to pray for a sister than. I wanted a sister so bad that I started hating going to places where I was to meet families because everyone around me had so many sisters to play with and to talk to. I still feel sometimes that somewhere deep inside me that wish is present, but then based upon my personal experiences, i don't want any girl to come into this very bad place called earth.

Some people just think that maybe a person is not sensible enough or is not wise enough and what ever that person is doing is foolish and unwanted and stupid. But have they ever stopped for a moment to ask "why are you doing like this"?? they just say "you shouldn't be doing like this".. I have my reasons...and very strong ones indeed.

I've recently come across some people who have what I wanted in my life, more specifically, my married life. happiness, honesty, reality, mental peace and so on. and as time is passing, the more I get to know about them, the more miserable my life is becoming. Just one question pops up in my mind...Why me?

If I get one thing right, the other goes wrong. If I please one person, the other is angry. If I become like one person, the other rejects me. If I live according to this person, that person is not happy.. where do I go??? what do I do??? everything seems to be falling apart. And it hurts the most when I expect a return from any single person. All I get is nothing. Or even if it is returned I know that it was not from the heart, but forcefully.. Why cant I live my life according to me?? When will i be able to wake up one morning not thinking of how to please somebody or this person is angry or that person is not talking to me... i want to wake up thinking what a wonderful life i have and that everything around me is just so perfect or that things cannot be any better in my life. sigh

Still again..Why me??
You live happily.